Little Johnny once asked his teacher "Do hearts have legs?."
The teacher answered "Why do you ask that?"
Johnny replied "Yesterday, I heard my dad say sweetheart open your legs."

Little Johnny comes home from school one day and asks his mother what "shit" meant.
Thinking fast she replied "food on the table".
Next day he comes home and asks his mother what does "son of a bitch" mean.
Again, thinking fast again she says "It's a priest".
Next day he comes home a asks what does "fuckin'" mean. She says it means "getting dressed".
That same night a priest was coming over for dinner. Johnny is just finished setting the table when he hears the doorbell ring.
He yells "got it". He opens the door and says "Hey son of a bitch, shits on the table and mom and dad are upstairs fuckin'".

Little Johnny goes to school, and the teacher says, 'Today we are going to learn multi-syllable words, class. Does anybody have an example of a multi-syllable word?'
Little Johnny waves his hand, 'Me, Miss Rogers, me, me!'
Miss Rogers:'All right, little Johnny, what is your multi-syllable word?'
Little Johnny says, 'Mas-tur-bate.'
Miss Rogers smiles and says, 'Wow, little Johnny, that's a mouthful.'
Little Johnny says, 'No, Miss Rogers, you're thinking of a blowjob".

Little Johnny goes to his father and asks, "Dad, is god a man or a woman?"
His Dad replies, "Johnny, both. God is both."
Johnny asks, "Dad, is god black or white?'
His Dad says, "Both. God is both."
Ok, then Johnny asks, "Dad, is Michael Jackson God?"

One night Little Johnny was really scared sleeping by himself at camp, so he sprints out of his tent and runs to his teachers tent and asks "Miss can I please sleep with you tonight ?".
His teacher replies "NO"
Johnny moans and says "But my mummy lets me".
"OK then, just for tonight" the teacher replies.
Johnny jumps into bed with her and asks "Miss can I please play with your belly button with my finger".
She again says "NO".
"But my mummy lets me" says Johnny again.
"Well I suppose it's OK" replies the teacher.
Things are silent for a few minutes until the teacher leaps up screaming "THAT'S NOT MY BELLY BUTTON"

Little Johnny replies "It aint my finger either".

One day in school, the teacher decides to play 20 questions.
So the teacher says "OK kids, I am thinking of something round, and red"
Little Suzy pipes up "I know, it's a tomato".
"No but you're thinking, it's an apple" replies the teacher.
So Little Johnny stands up, places his hand in his pocket and says "I am holding onto something that is round, hard, and has a head on it"
"Go to the principals office" says the teacher.
"No but you're thinking", say Johnny, "It's a quarter"

A boy is sitting on Santas lap and Santa puts his finger on the boys nose and says "I bet your name is (spells out )   J i m m y ?"
The little boys eyes light up and Santa puts his finger on the boys nose again and says " I bet you want a (spelled out ) b i k e ?"
Little Jimmys eyes light up and he asks "How'd you know that ?"
Santa replied "Because I'm Santa I know everything".
Little Jimmy gets a funny look in his eye and says "I bet you like (spells out ) g i r l s ?"
Santa says "Yes, how'd you know that ?" The boy says " Beacause your finger smells like P U S S Y !"

Little April was not the best student in Sunday school.
Usually she slept through the class.
One day the teacher called on her while she was napping, "Tell me, April, who created the universe?"
When April didn't stir, little Johnny, a boy seated in the chair behind her, took a pin and jabbed her in the rear. "GOD ALMIGHTY!" shouted April and the teacher said, "Very good" and April fell back asleep.
A while later the teacher asked April, "Who is our Lord and Saviour," But, April didn't even stir from her slumber. Once again, Johnny came to the rescue and stuck her again. 'JESUS CHRIST!" shouted April and the teacher said, "very good," and April fell back to sleep.
Then the teacher asked April a third question. "What did Eve say to Adam after she had her twenty-third child?" And again, Johnny jabbed her with the pin. This time April jumped up and shouted, "IF YOU STICK THAT F*****G THING IN ME ONE MORE TIME, I'LL BREAK IT IN HALF AND STICK IT UP YOUR ASS!"
The Teacher fainted.

The teacher asks Little Johnny "Which body part goes to heaven first?"
Little Johnny replies "The feet miss"
So the teacher says "Why the feet?"
And Little Johnny says "Because when I go in my mummys bedroom at night she has her legs in the air shouting 'Oh my God I'm coming'"

A few months after his parents were divorced, little Johnny passed by his mom's bedroom and saw her rubbing her body and moaning, "I need a man, I need a man!"
Over the next couple of months, he saw her doing this several times.
One day, he came home from school and heard her moaning. When he peeked into her bedroom, he saw a man on top of her.
Little Johnny ran into his room, took off his clothes, threw himself on his bed, started stroking himself, and moaning, "Ohh, I need a bike! I need a bike!"

Little Johnny was going to his faters house one day and he was packing everthing in his room and putting it in his little red wagon.
He was walking to his fathers house with his wagon behind him, when he came to this hill.
He started up the hill but was constantly swearing "This God damn thing is so heavy"
A priest heard him and came out. "You shouldn't be swearing" said the priest. "God hears you...He is everywhere...He's in the chruch...He's on the sidewalk...He's everywhere"
Then Little Johnny says "Oh is he in my Wagon"
The prist replies "Yes Johnny God is in your Wagon"
Little Johnny says "Well tell him to get the hell out and start pulling"

Little Johnny, who just turned 11, was at school and he heard a group of kids talking about 'fucking'. So little Johnny went home and askes, "mom, whats fucking?"

Johnny's mom replies; "goto your room, we'll discuss it more when your father gets home."

Later that day, his dad gets home from work. Johnny's mom says, "honey, Johnny has something to ask you."

So Johnny's dad goes upstairs and says, "Son, I heard you had something you wanted to ask me."

Little Johnny say, "Dad, whats... Sex?"(he didn't say fucking for fear that he would get in trouble again.)

"Well son, I guess it's time I taught you about the birds and the bees."

Johnny's dad calls his mom upstairs, and tells her to get in position.

Johnny's mom takes off her clothes and jumps on the bed and spreads her legs.

"You see that little hole between mommy's legs? Watch this"

Johnny's dad throws off his clothes and jumps on Johnny's mom and starts going at it.

Then, Johnny's 9 year old brother walks in and says, "Johnny, what are mommy and daddy doing? Are they wrestling?"

"No" Johnny says. "There having sex."

"What's sex?" Johnny's little brother asks.

Johnny replies, "Well, you see that little hole between daddy's legs? Watch this!"